UNMASKED

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Thinking of what to post about next always takes me on a journey. Its easy for me to write about pregnancy because that is what I am going through right now. Sometimes you have to tell the story behind the story so that you who is reading this can understand just how far I have come. This is a difficult story to share but I believe in sharing my past pain. This may help somebody else. So here is UNMASKED.

I got married two years ago, we weren’t in a hurry to start having children and agreed from the beginning that we would wait at least a year before thinking of starting a family. We wanted to enjoy each other, get used to being married, sharing a home and all that good stuff. So a year went by and at that time I had already stopped taking contraception as the pill I was taking was causing serious side effects. By the time we decided to try conceiving I had been off the pill for four months. Nothing happened for sometime . I was beginning to worry, and was driving myself crazy buying at least two home pregnancy tests every month. Every time my monthly period would come I would cry. It was an emotional roller coaster for both of us .

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I realised I had to give up this madness and just allow nature to take its course. I made a conscious decision to focus on making my marriage work, enjoy life and in God’s time I would conceive.

So I forgot about it and in May 2014 I did conceive. It was an exciting time for both of us. We began to visit our ob/gyn who I had started seeing after I got married. Important note for women choose a doctor that your husband likes. They clicked from day one and involved him in every examination every discussion and explained every change that was happening to me as the pregnancy developed. I feel like this helped our marriage a lot and made me feel like I wasnt alone on this journey.

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Where was I.. okay back to the doctor’s visits. During our first ultrasound my doctor was honest enough to tell us that the foetus was too small and was not growing as well as they should. He didnt want to cause us any alarm but wanted us to understand that this was something he wanted to keep a close eye on.

So the weekly ultrasounds began, and his concerns continued to grow. This was a season of turmoil for my husband and I. We didn’t understand why or what was happening. It was way beyond our control and all we could do was pray. And we did pray,our immediate family prayed and we believed that some form of miracle would happen and the baby would begin to grow as expected and the heart beat would be heard.

praying couple

When I was about 8 weeks pregnant we went for our usual ultrasound and there was the strong heart beat that we had longed and prayed for. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard, like the sound of a thousand beating drums. Our doctor was happy and sent us home although he insisted that we come back in two weeks time for another ultra sound just to be cautious.

I remember sharing with our family members that all was well and thanked them for their support and prayers.

So the days passed,and then one day after going for a short call I began to see brownish spots that I hadn’t seen before . I immediately called my doctor who asked me to describe how I was feeling and what I had seen. After our discussion he asked me to keep an eye out and If i continued spotting to go see him immediately. The day ended with no further spotting and so I relaxed and put my worries to rest.

The next day after a whole day of work, I went to the bathroom before leaving the office and there was blood. I panicked and began to cry. Then I calmed myself down and went to speak to a colleague who had experienced a miscarriage before and I told her what was happening and she prayed and hugged me and told me to go to the hospital immediately. I called my husband George but he was stuck all the way across town at a meeting .I told him I would call a cab and he promised to do his best to fly through traffic and meet me at the doctors. I then called my friend Jules, on that day i was to meet her for coffee across from my office after work. I told her what had happened and she immediately offered to take me to hospital. She picked me up and we drove to Aga Khan. I am so thankful she was there that day because I was a mess. I couldn’t think straight ,I couldn’t pray I couldn’t cry anymore. It felt like a nightmare.

sad_woman

We got to the hospital in ten minutes and we rushed to my doctor’s office. His receptionist informed me that he was in theatre and had no idea what time he would be done. I then decided to go the Jubilee clinic and see the doctors there. I remember getting there and I had to fill in the insurance claim form . I was such a mess I couldn’t remember my date of birth ,or my last names. I filled in two forms wrong before Jules took over and completed the registration process for me, I saw a lady doctor immediately after we told them I was bleeding. She examined me and immediately sent me for an ultra sound. We walked across to the radiology department and were fast tracked inside for examination, my husband who I had been talking to throughout met us there. And he was there as I lay my body down and the radiologist began the ultrasound. I remember closing my eyes and feeling the tears flowing down my face. Because right then I knew that there was going to be no heart beat, I knew right then that our baby was gone.

To be continued…

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31 responses

  1. Moe

    Hugs. Am so glad that God in his loving nature has replaced your tears with tears of joy and soon you shall know and experience the love of your very own flesh and blood. Nothing can equate to that. Nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 17, 2015 at 6:45 am

    • thank you Moe !i cant wait to experience that joy 🙂

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 2:18 pm

  2. i have felt goosebumps form on my skin as i have read this!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 17, 2015 at 7:22 am

    • You have ?i had goosebumps as i wrote this..stil feels like it happens to someone else.But God continues to heal me

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 2:21 pm

  3. Rere, thank you for sharing your story… May God bless you and touch you even as you bless others! #ILoveYourBlog

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 8:47 am

  4. Qoi

    Beyond words, but I have felt your anxiety, pain and loss..

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 10:59 am

  5. damaris

    i relate

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 11:20 am

    • Hugs Damaris ,i hope you find healing you are not alone.

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 2:25 pm

  6. Awwww hugs again and again. And again!

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    • thank you big sis!you have been a steadfast point of support much love :*

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 2:26 pm

  7. Njoki

    I remember seeing you at the doctor’s once or twice. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Having experienced a miscarriage myself, I know the feelings of pain, anger, confusion and questioning among others, not the least being extreme sadness. But God is faithful and He is the ultimate comforter.

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    • awww hugs ma. i am sorry that you had to go throught but i rejoice that you have experienced God’s faithfulness through your two lovely babies. Thank you for sharing too, we are not alone.

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 2:31 pm

  8. Mel

    Awesome blog Karimi, congratulations on the pregnancy and so sorry for your loss big hugs and lots of love..yours is a powerful story love.

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    • thank you Mel we cant wait for baby Kagwe. i appreciate your kind wishes.

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 2:45 pm

  9. Valentine Guchu

    You are an encouragement…

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    • wow thanks i am glad it wasnt all in vain. God bless you

      Like

      August 17, 2015 at 6:42 pm

  10. This is an amazing testimony. May God use you to comfort those going/have gone through the same. Your blog is inspiring. Thank you for letting others take this journey with you.

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    • thank you thank you! Amen to that , may my story be used for his glory

      Like

      August 18, 2015 at 4:51 pm

  11. Ndindi Ng'ang'a

    He makes all things beautiful in His time! May God bless you in the days to come. Super excited!!

    Like

    August 17, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    • Yes he does wuhoooo! thank you for being excited with us .Much love desert mum !

      Like

      August 18, 2015 at 4:52 pm

  12. Cassie

    Hey hun…it takes a strong woman to share this story…I have been through this experience…I was a wreck too but…I was also blessed to have my now 6yr old monkey…I’m so happy that you’ll finally get to experience that inexplicable joy of holding a baby in your arms… Enjoy every second…even all the labor pains..they will be worth it

    Like

    August 18, 2015 at 12:30 am

    • awwww thanks for the encouragement Cassie .Kisses to your cutie and thank you for sharing . So many angel babies .Sigh

      Like

      August 18, 2015 at 4:55 pm

  13. Roni

    You are an amazing person!!! May God add to your strength and be gracious to you. Yours and George’s story will inspire many. Love you Cuz :*

    Like

    August 18, 2015 at 5:22 am

    • Thank you so much.i Love you too hun! may it be so , a thousand amens

      Like

      August 18, 2015 at 4:56 pm

  14. Thank you for sharing your story dear. You’re encouraging others without knowing it. May God continue to use you.

    Like

    August 18, 2015 at 8:08 am

    • Thank you Mama Z , Amen to that 🙂 i follow you too and i read your posts and i cant wait to have toddler tales of my own !

      Like

      August 18, 2015 at 4:58 pm

  15. This is a familiar story for me unfortunately….it is very heartbreaking when it happens but God’s timing is best….I mean look at you now

    Like

    August 18, 2015 at 9:43 am

    • Yes God’s timing is best, hugs to you and May you find healing and restoration .Thank you for reading and for sharing.

      Like

      August 18, 2015 at 5:00 pm

  16. Irene Kagira

    I love reading your blogs!!! I hope to have a testimony of God’s greatness one day. Enjoy your the journey .

    Like

    August 18, 2015 at 8:51 pm

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