UNMASKED – MY HUBBY SPEAKS
It’s the end of another week and boy has it been an eventful one. Since I shared my Unmasked story the responses have been overwhelming. I am so thankful that God gave me the courage to share this story because I believe it has began conversations that will start the process to healing and restoration for many. I promise to reply as best as I can to all the Facebook messages as soon as I can.
In the meantime I thought it would be a good idea for my husband to share his side of the story. Many people forget that although a woman goes through pregnancy the whole process affects the man as well. And when that pregnancy ends in loss there are two people mourning not just one. His name is George Kagwe, my biggest cheerleader, friend and life companion. You may have watched his hilarious videos on youtube if not watch them HERE
So here is my first guest blogger, my beloved husband. 🙂
Karimi and I were very happy to receive the news that we were pregnant. The doctor gave us the good news May of 2014. As a dude many thoughts run through your head. Questions linger, “ Am I ready for this?” “Shall I be a great father… or is it daddy?” “What does this mean in regard to our sex life?” “Crap! No more walking nude in the house!” and so on. But it was exciting. We began planning and talking more about this bundle of joy that we were going to receive in 37 weeks or so. We selected the room that we shall prepare. We prayed for the baby, the development of every organ and limb that was happening during that stage. I even saw ahead and pictured a pretty girl walking in between us and having laughs with her!
The doctors visits were quite frequent. But I did not mind them. The doctor himself was awesome. He is like our dad. Jokes with us and is always keen to listen to us as well. There was one thing though! Caution to men: The doctor/ gyna shall touch your woman’s lady parts more frequently during the early stages of pregnancy or whenever you visit him/her for some check ups. I believe its different when your doctor is a lady right? Anyway, yes that was weird! At first I was boiling hot with rage but then I remembered its his job! What a job, right?!
Anyway, as you can see I am that guy who drifts away, I am not such a great writer like my wife Karimi. But, Moving on, the visits to the doctor became harder and harder. Karimi was complaining of more pains due to her fibroids and the doctor was worried about the size of our baby. It was not matching with the size of the uterus. We however prayed more and chose to worry less.
One morning my wife mentioned to me that she was spotting (sp). I had read that this was normal, however we could not take chances and we called the doctor who advised us to monitor it for at least one day. The spotting ended and we got back to normal life.
The spotting continued on and off. Until one afternoon in July I had just gotten out of a meeting in Upper hill with a client and I received a call from Karimi. I picked it up and she was crying. She mentioned that she was bleeding. I calmed her down and told her to call the doctor and ask one of her work mates to take her to hospital immediately and I shall find her there.
Together with a friend, Yafesi, we rushed to hospital. Karimi kept updating me what was happening in hospital. She had to access the insurance clinic as our doctor was in theatre. When we got there I walked up to her and hugged her. We both knew something was wrong. All I could do was hold her and whisper into her ear how much I loved her and sometimes sing into her ear.
We were sent by the doctor immediately for a scan to confirm what was going on, or in our books if the baby was alive. The normal heart beat we were used to hearing was no more. It was drop dead silence. It hit me like a tidal wave. Karimi lay there tears streaming down her face. I then accompanied her to the changing room where she completely broke down. The cry of a mother in pain and agony after losing a child pierces right through your heart. All I could tell her was it shall all be ok. But she refuted that statement and replied, “No it wont! No it Wont! Why us? What did we do? What did I do wrong?”
In a way I was glad she broke down at that point and did not choose to stomach it all in. It meant she was dealing with it and I had to find a way of dealing with it as well. We broke the news to the doctor who then requested us to go home and come back the next day for an evacuation procedure. We did not sleep that night, we stayed up talking and sharing what we were feeling. Eventually we said goodbye to our baby and prayed for her/him.
The next day the theatre was over booked so we had to go back home and return the next day. That night was a long night. Karimi kept bleeding and bleeding as she lay there in pain. I could not do anything at that point as nature was taking its course. It was hard, very hard!
The following morning we were up and early at the hospital. Friends and family had even joined us. Irene, david and Chero, Mums all came to be with us. Karimi went in for surgery that took about an hour. She got out, it was done but she was more sad for us! The presence of friends and even her work mates and her boss gave her comfort and good cheer! But that was it! Our child was gone!
Death is something we shall ALL have to go through, well, unless you experience the rapture :). But you do get what I mean. As much as Death is real and we shall interact with it at some point, I shall forever be baffled by the concept of it. I guess when I get to meet God someday I shall ask Him why that concept, why couldn’t we just vanish in the air, or evaporate or something less painful!
But I digress! I have interacted with death before. I lost my father to cancer, I watched life get out of him as he took his last breathe. But this one, this one was different. This was our child. Our source of joy. The emotions I felt through this loss of life was different. Words cannot describe.
Yes, many will argue that the baby was never born. In fact the baby was just 10 weeks. But this was our child, not a neighbours or a friends, it was our child but now was no more! We were pregnant before but now we were not!
We look back and recognize that we were going through a difficult season. We thank God for being with us and for bringing angels who gave good cheer and happy moments at that sad time. We thank God for health insurance; not many are able to access this and we were able to get good health care which is hard to find here in Kenya.
The word of God says in :
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a]have been called according to his purpose.
I pray that this blog and articles give a word of encouragement, a word of hope, a word of healing and a word of restoration and assurance for you as a mother, mother to be, father and father to be. Nothing is impossible WITH GOD! Amen.